Heather Gold

What’s underneath achieving social equality. And product returns.

The Disappearing Butch

A recent current affairs program on CBC Radio ran a general news story on The Disappearing Butch. And yes the Canadian government funds the wonderful CBC which I sometimes get to contribute to. I also get to end sentences with prepositions when I feel like it.

While this is a story I have seen some of from living in the queer community, I’m not used to seeing these bits of my life in the mainstream press. It’s sort of stunning to me. In a good way. In fact, it’s a moment for me. I’m realizing: I really don’t expect the general media or conversation to get it, see or even consider the reality of our lives. And I mean like even at the basic level or how many queer people see themselves. We pretty much just see a lot of what we get chunked as, databased as, filed away as. You know the central casting view of your life. Which, let’s face it, general media does to just about anyone. And this is stunning to me because my work is pretty much about creating and speaking to a larger audience/community. This shows me I’ve been assuming it’s not possible and that that is not a helpful assumption. I don’t have to stop at gay 101. I can just work from nuance and detail of the real stories and take people with me.

The US now has 13 states with same-sex marriage equality with just a few more than that banning employment discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity.

But I did hear that one of my favourite people in the world, who is almost 11 and a Californian, just had a lesson on gender at school based around questions like “What are things people say boys/girls don’t do? Is that true?”

And no, I don’t see myself as butch. But that doesn’t stop many people from presuming.

heather + Lt Dan Choi at Meet in the Middle in Fresno

It was a thrill to meet Lt Dan who is a powerful speaker and person. He actually saluted me when we said goodbye, then apologized and explained that it was out of habit.

If you somehow don’t already know, he is a West Point grad who’s completed 2 tours of duty in Iraq. He’s about to be discharged under Don’t Asked Don’t Tell even though he’s an Arabic linguist. He’s one of the few people in the military who could actually ask or tell people in Iraq anything.

It was literally 100 degrees. That explains the hair.

What No on 8 should have looked like

17 year old James testifies to Vermont Senate on LGBT Equality.

He nails the second class citizenship issue. Nails it. Please excuse my choice of words.

But forget al the abstract crap about civil unions etc. Here is the point: Are we equal or are we inferior?

This is how we need to campaign in California and across the country. And we need to have lots of

meals with other people and talk about it honestly.

Day Without a Gay

This grotesque juxtaposition of robustly funded propaganda vs. cash-strapped social services is the perverse, inexcusable legacy of Proposition Hate and the so-called “Defense of Marriage Act” and every related money-wasting act of gay-hostile social, political and emotional terrorism wrought by the American Taliban.

If you have ever used words like “sacred institution” or “redefine marriage” or “threat to family values” without irony or—worse yet—harbored thoughts or cast votes against marriage equality, you are not my friend. You are not welcome in my life. I honestly see you as intellectually compromised. And I don’t care what you think your god tells you to believe. Your mythology does not trump my reality. And if you try to defend your indefensible thoughts or words or actions to me, be prepared to have your vile, repellant opinions reduced to the vile, repellant garbage that they are.

And when I’m done with you, the domestic partner and I will calmly go back to caring for Thomas and working to repair the decades of damage caused by the celebrated heterosexuals who are apparently free to marry and divorce and have affairs and abuse and ignore their own children without generating interest a single constitutional amendment, television ad, campaign platform or even a godfuckingdamned T-shirt by the godfuckingdamned American Taliban.

 

Read all of Jake’s brilliant post to know the story of he, his partner and Thomas on his blog NoFo. 

Then do something on the streets or online. And if you’re gay, tell your story. Spell out your relationship and the indignities and legal vulnerabilities you’ve faced. In detail. Mine soon.

 

The blogging equivalent of the wave

In looking at the Obama blog I’m noticing people doing a blogwave, basically posting one letter and then trusting the next person to spell the next letter and so on. Usually Yes We Can!

Has anyone seen this before on a blog? It’s a really interesting method of trust and connection through fun + vulnerability in a digital space.How’s that for analyzing the crap out of something fun. It’s like analyzing a joke, I know. 

Do you really care who solves our problems? Beyond the Binary.

I don’t. To me this was the entire point of registering Independent. At the time I thought: “Damn, if the Democratic party can’t get a liberal, Jewish, Canadian queer chick like me to register Democrat, they’re in trouble.”But this point, of focussing on our shared problems and doing things to make them better entirely eludes Stanley Fish, who blogged today Against Independent Voters.In his lofty NYT estimation, Independents don’t really want to stand for anything except avoid politics which we hate.  Continue reading…

Just Married FAQ

I meant to write this while I was still in the vortex of power and love, but the thing about the vortex of power and love is that it felt so good, I didn’t want to do anything like leave it, and that’s what thinking would do. 

 

Now I am thinking a little.

 

Do you feel any different?

Yes. I feel relentlessly loving toward Stacey. I am not annoyed by anything she does. I have been happy every day. I can now feel the ground beneath my feet. 

 

We were together 5 and a half years and lived together for 3 before marrying. I never did the lesbian UHaul thing because I had thought moving in together would be the only marker of commitment I would have. Years ago, I didn’t think I’d have family support for a marriage and for more years than that I didn’t think I’d find someone to marry. I certainly *never* anticipated the possibility that I could get legally married. Now that it’s all happened I am amazed at how different I feel. 

 

Where are the photos? 

 Our excellent documentary photographer Ian Taylor’s + few from my sister Wendy + Paul Schreiber’s. You are welcome to use Ian’s photos, but you must name the people in the photos, credit him and link to his site: iantaylor.ca 

 

What did it feel like to get married?

Continue reading…

Earnestness (audio podcast)

Heather mixes Lawrence Lessig, comedian Aundre the Wonderwoman, marketer Deb Schultz and the “audience” about Earnestness in Politics. Is it possible? What about earnestness at work, in the corporate environment?

Listen to the full 90 minute show.

ourselves together: flagpole sitta

I’m starting a new ongoing thingy [otherwise known as a blog category] called ourselves together. My main mission is to create ways /a world/ in which we can be our full selves together. no censoring or conformity. a togetherness of individuals. a world without capitalization.

This is a joyous, beautful video that captures this.

Lip Dub – Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger on Vimeo

It’s made by peeps who work at vimeo and collegehumor.com. The most subversive element? Being their full joyous selves at work.

You can see from the comments how much we yearn for this.

other things I’ve written about coming out of the closet at work as yourself: work shouldn’t have to suck.
open source management

Flagpole Sitta-Harvey Danger
(this group is also releaseing their new album for free on Bit Torrent and for download)

tip o the noggin to vlogmaster nick douglas for the heads up.