Entries tagged "humour"

morning Jew Ep 8 (10/18/2013)

I’m enjoying doing this weekly morning show with my pal NY comic Katie Halper. We review the week’s headlines and ask: Is it good for the Jews? It’s so morning show sometimes you even get a true morning face from me, like in this week’s episode. This week we hit topics from the hugs: how do political parties really work in America to what a good Jerry Seinfeld interview sounds like.

If you want to know if something is good for the Jews, just ask or (more likely) tell us.
The show is at http://morningJewz.com .

Fix This Movie – Lincoln, Brave, Wreck It Ralph. Our podcast experiment. What do you think?

Mariko Tamaki and I write a lot, perform a lot, read a lot and see a lot of movies. We know as artists what it’s like to have someone just tell us what’s wrong with what we made. It’s a very popular hobby. It’s one of the many parents of the blended family known as the Internet.

Anyway, after having high high hopes for Young Adult (especially because of how much we like Diablo Cody. Ivan Reitman, Charlize Theron and Patton Oswalt’s work) we found ourselves trying to figure out *how* we could have made it better. We play this little writing game after every movie now and decided to try it as a podcast. So we made one. We discuss Lincoln, Brave and what it can learn from Wreck It Ralph. Tell us what you think. Do you want to hear some more? Any movie in particular?

I peed in a small container this morning…

I peed in a small container first thing this morning.

That’s what the woman from the electronic box company help line told me to do.

“The first urine of the morning is the most concentrated.”

Ordinarily these days I’d just pee on the stick directly and then put it into the electronic box that monitors my surge in LH or lutenizing hormone. But my trip to the west coast got extended last week and I started my cycle there. So until noon, the little box still thinks it’s yesterday when I wake up. Thus the pee saving.

It’s the latest of many self-conscious moves I’ve had to make in an effort to get pregnant. I’ve had to check in so much during this insemination process, I’m totally the Mayor of my uterus.

Because we have limited funds, time (I turned 42 on Wednesday) and only as much sperm as we can afford, we have to be precise. We need to make each month’s insemination as high yield an attempt as possible. If next week’s doesn’t work I’ll get maybe 4 more tries. I feel like Luke trying to hit the Life Star.

When the nurse practicioner told me today that she recommended more monitoring every month I had to fight back tears as I explained that we weren’t doing monthly sonograms or more testing because we couldn’t afford it. If I can get pregnant, we’ll need 5k just for the 2nd parent adoption in NY.

It’s running us $560 for a .5cc vial per month. But this is top shelf stuff. Identity release, Grey Goose sperm. Over 66 million per cc. Sperm is ubiquitous. Sperm that can get you pregnant that is from someone who can be known to your kids but not challenge your legal custody is not.

But maybe the pain of all these details are going to pale in comparision to the joy of parenting. Just like coming out in the abstract makes all the hardships crystal clear. But all of those laws and prejudices are simply dwarfed by real love and the truth of who you are.

So tomorrow morning, again, I will pee in a small container.

This post is up here part of @3six5, a fun group project that told 365 stories for a year from 365 points of view curated by @Len Kendall and @DanielHonigman.

Posted via email from subvert with heather gold

I miss you Felicia

I just found out that one of my best friends at law school died. She was too young to die.

And too awesome to die. Can’t Death swop her for someone without a fabulous sense of humour? For someone who wasn’t such a presence?

There is nothing lawyerly or logical about her being gone. One day she thought she had the flu. The next day, she is gone. I can’t call her up.

I wish I had a digital photo of her but I don’t. All my pictures of Felicia are from just before the web….from the days when having free LEXIS-NEXIS access felt like having a secret pass to the world.

Felicia is one of the only people I’ve known who made me laugh every time we spoke. Damn. I just wrote “is.” Continue reading…

Palm of Her Hand


(This piece originally ran w a photo of a zaftig hairy man, a bear if you will, in the same pose as the above ad which launched the Palm Pilot. I don’t have the rights to show the image here.)

When one thinks about the icons of the technology business, many faces spring to mind: Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Michael Dell. Now there’s a new name to add to the list, but not a new face. Combining the anonymity and buzz of Internet upstarts like The Springfield Project with the ruthlessness and opportunism of the Valley’s favorite leadership role model–Attila the Hun–Kate Hunter has taken the scene by storm.

Hunter, the dancer who began her meteoric rise to fame and power as the backdrop for a series of 3Com advertisements, used the Palm campaign and her own marketing savvy to become one of the “hottest new visionaries” in the business, according to industry magazine Russian Brides and Market Cap.

Hunter has quickly become the most visible woman in technology, displacing another dancer, Kim Polese. Hunter knocked Polese off her oft-photographed pedestal and left Katrina Garnett in the dust. Garnett was one of the first women to boast both a room and company of her own in a little black number.

“Garnett had to pay for her own ad,” boasts Hunter. “And she wore a dress. She’s beginning to cover up even more,” referring to Garnett’s recent Forbes cover shot in a leather-vinyl dominatrix outfit. “My ass could kick her ass any day.”

Not content to be the most powerful woman in the technology business, Hunter has been dubbed the “Salome of Silicon Valley” because she is known to wander the halls of the Palm division shrieking “Bring me the head of St. John the Doerr.”

When she insisted she be given a Palm V to play with before stripping down for her now infamous “huddled fetus” billboard, 3Com understood that she was not just another nude model. Before the end of the shoot, the prodigy had already learned how to create her own to-do list. (3Com lore now debates whether the first was “moisturize” or “get dressed.”) Forseeing her role as a leading woman in technology, Hunter worked quickly. Before the ad campaign ended, she created a special feature list for her vision of the future female Palm market:

  • Synchs with your menstrual cycle
  • Detects single men within a 10-yard perimeter
  • Does your colors digitally
  • Alarm beeps every time you break The Rules
  • Recipes!
  • Makes counting calories fun
  • Fits in your tiny, frail hand

Hunter then marshalled support from highly-respected female authorities to back-up the campaign she knew would be controversial.

“There is nothing as powerful as the female body. Kate is really the one in control in those billboards.”
–Camille Paglia

“The curled pose of the Divine recalls Giovanni’s Virgin Mother masterpiece. The young Pilot the Fifth’s glowing face springs forth from the canvas, illuminating the young Mother who caresses Him, while at the same time respectfully shielding her gaze from the face of God.”
–Sister Wendy, PBS Art Historian

“I know what it’s like to be a symbol. I’ve reclaimed my identity and so has whatsername.”
–Geri Halwell (a/k/a Ginger Spice)

At a sold-out Churchill Club appearance last night, 3Com CEO Eric introduced the woman many see as his inevitable successor: “Kate is a visionary who has shown us that there is a customer base of tens of millions of women out there. We now project increased revenues of $230 million next year for our Ladies Auxilliary Product Division. I am proud to announce that Kate will be leading the entire Palm Division of 3Com.”

“My background as a dancer and a model prepared me for the challenges of developing and communicating about innovative technology. I think that comes through in the new campaign we’re unveiling today: Hairy Palms,” Hunter announced. She used a special microphone that allowed her to speak from the same pose she made famous. Hunter has decided to keep her face a mystery, since it has worked so successfully for her thus far. “One of the things I love most about this business is the completely different backgrounds everyone has. It is truly a meritocracy.”

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