I peed in a small container first thing this morning.
That’s what the woman from the electronic box company help line told me to do.
“The first urine of the morning is the most concentrated.”
Ordinarily these days I’d just pee on the stick directly and then put it into the electronic box that monitors my surge in LH or lutenizing hormone. But my trip to the west coast got extended last week and I started my cycle there. So until noon, the little box still thinks it’s yesterday when I wake up. Thus the pee saving.
It’s the latest of many self-conscious moves I’ve had to make in an effort to get pregnant. I’ve had to check in so much during this insemination process, I’m totally the Mayor of my uterus.
Because we have limited funds, time (I turned 42 on Wednesday) and only as much sperm as we can afford, we have to be precise. We need to make each month’s insemination as high yield an attempt as possible. If next week’s doesn’t work I’ll get maybe 4 more tries. I feel like Luke trying to hit the Life Star.
When the nurse practicioner told me today that she recommended more monitoring every month I had to fight back tears as I explained that we weren’t doing monthly sonograms or more testing because we couldn’t afford it. If I can get pregnant, we’ll need 5k just for the 2nd parent adoption in NY.
It’s running us $560 for a .5cc vial per month. But this is top shelf stuff. Identity release, Grey Goose sperm. Over 66 million per cc. Sperm is ubiquitous. Sperm that can get you pregnant that is from someone who can be known to your kids but not challenge your legal custody is not.
But maybe the pain of all these details are going to pale in comparision to the joy of parenting. Just like coming out in the abstract makes all the hardships crystal clear. But all of those laws and prejudices are simply dwarfed by real love and the truth of who you are.
So tomorrow morning, again, I will pee in a small container.