Latest Entries
DM to a Mansplainer: Final Notice Any Woman Deserving a Real Apology Can Use to Save Emotional Labour
I’m sharing this text of a Final Notice to help any woman out there who needs it to save time and labour.
Taking responsibility means making it about you. Understanding something of what life is like for women means reading and paying attention and listening to us and not presuming you always have something to teach us without paying any attention to the context or listening to me. I am taking my own valuable time to have interacted with you about this several times and explain a piece of misogyny to a white guy for free. I will not do it again. You have all the tools as a nerd to figure out more about this if you wish to. I will be making use of the time I put into writing this to share it on my feeds in general. Imagine this was all day long. All day long. And it’s a fraction of the crap we deal with. For WOC and queer women there’s more. All unpaid.
My Sacramento Ladybird Pilgrimage in the Globe and Mail
I drove to Sacramento to see Ladybird. l have a piece about Sacramento in the pre-Oscar edition of Canada’s national paper.
(a little bonus California adventuring).
Why Did President Obama Post About DACA On Facebook?
While I’m glad President Obama addressed DACA, I am very concerned that he posted his response on Facebook. Facebook is a privately owned platform. The company chooses who sees the post in their feeds without explaining to anyone why or how it makes that decision. It is also a platform responsible (though we yet don’t exactly know how responsible) for targeted voter suppression campaigns run on the last election. President Obama has a web site. Why did he not first post his statement there? He could have easily had that post cross-posted to various other platforms like medium, twitter and yes, Facebook, if his concern was reaching the most people.
Privatizing our public space, not to mention handing over data about our political positions and stances to a private company, are incredibly relevant to DACA and immigrants safety. President Obama asked for Dreamers data while President. This data can now be used to target them by the current administration. Now he’s helping Facebook get data by posting his support of DACA only on Facebook.
Happy Pride: If you’re using that Facebook LGBT flag emoticon, a small request.
On Wonder Woman
I am not into super heroes. I never identified with Wonder Woman. I wanted to be part of the first weekend grosses for Patty Jenkins.
I still sobbed in the middle of the movie tonight because for a moment I could see what it would have been like at 10 to see a woman be this strong and unafraid. And I could imagine, in a flash, what kind of impact that would have had on my life and the lives of my peers for the years we’ve had. And I could see what it’ll mean for the 10 year old girls now. And I wished it had come out a year ago because I seriously think it would have helped HRCs campaign because it will impact the culture in a broad way about strong women and strength and love and doing what’s right. I was also thrilled that Patty Jenkins got this gig and did such a fantastic job. This is not a genre of film I particularly like (though I even imagined tonight how much fun it would be to act in a film like this which I’d never considered before because I hadn’t seen my own athleticism and strength as skills for film). But I really enjoyed this movie. I would have been happy if the movie never left the island with the Amazons (no surprise there). Maybe It’s a genre I *could* love. One I could make.
Here’s to a future of unapologetic women taking power and directing whatever the hell we want.
On Disinfo, Louise Mensch, Our Feeds and Can We Have A Legit 2018 Election?
She Sets the Gold Standard for Comedy in the Bay Area
This lovely piece on me just ran in the J Weekly.
And it ran without a request to tell me “just one thing!! that familiar bit of Jewish criticism a/k/a love from one bubbeleh comes after so many shows. California changes my people.
The next Yarn is coming up on the 7th in Oakland. Hope to see you there. You’ll find tickets here.
Understanding Trump and the US via trauma. Hope for a better way.
This is true.
It is also impossible for someone to feel their pain without a compassionate witness. Trauma is too much for many to feel. https://t.co/3NZZNFHLVZ
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
Most important thing the US could do is to put @RootsofEmpathy in every school and provide good counseling for all kids starting in nursery https://t.co/3NZZNFHLVZ
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
Centering the feminine and feeling is key to changing our political situation. We'll only feel our way out. #patriarchy https://t.co/Vsa76JVetg
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
Centering the feminine and feeling is key to changing our political situation. We'll only feel our way out. #patriarchy https://t.co/Vsa76JVetg
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
This is true.
It is also impossible for someone to feel their pain without a compassionate witness. Trauma is too much for many to feel. https://t.co/3NZZNFHLVZ
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
Some project outwardly.@umairh and before him Rianne Eisler and other feminists show how the economy we have is built on trauma/dominance https://t.co/UHg82N1OFN
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
1/Makes sense because it's so central to everything happening.
Think about who came to America. https://t.co/RBHYKJ4OPH
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
2/Those traumatized elsewhere who pass it on. *Or* the First Nations whose land this is who were traumatized. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
3/ *Or* who become aware of their pain and do best to better. Feeling pain and suffering is horrible. Not feeling is worse. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
4/ It's why I sign off each night now with (among other things) "Stay feeling." The antidote to narcissism and trauma. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
I started signing off of twitter and facebook in 2007 with “Night good people.” I believe I was the first to do a regular nightly sign off. I wanted to treat it as a time *with* others and to be as human and connecting as possible. I didn’t want to treat my presence in these places with other people like I was broadcasting to nameless “audience” who matter less than I do.
5/ What she did to her own son is horrific and tragic, but Alice Miller's writing about Germany and narcissism taught me a lot @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
6/ Trauma, can also build resilience. It's those who have felt *and handled* pain who will save America. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
https://twitter.com/heathr/status/834138840436662272
8/ Misogyny, white supremacy etc all linked by projected rage at feelingness (of course while denying rage is a feeling) @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
9/ There is trauma all over the world. (I mean Israel + Palestine are PTSD central). The US seems to have acceleration of all. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
10/ It's a form of dissociation. The US has attempted to negotiate difference through the marketplace. Folly.https://t.co/1JlQOaCNde
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
12/ Centres the feminine, ends patriarchy, listens to, centres and learns from marginalized folks @umair https://t.co/Bic5XBJhJZ
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
13/ Replace half of Congress with women. Centre Black folk. Who voted most against fascism? Black women. #218in2018https://t.co/Bic5XBJhJZ
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
14/ The answers are in becoming embodied and learning from those who are trusting feeling and embodiment. Who handle feeling. @umair
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
15/ Moments of trauma (US is there ) allow you to re-negotiate your original wounding trauma. If you have support and become aware. @umair
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
16/ I could continue to cover what is happening through a trauma lens if that interests. Trust your body everyone. It keeps the score.@umair
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
1/Makes sense because it's so central to everything happening.
Think about who came to America. https://t.co/RBHYKJ4OPH
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
18/…of handing ones own experience over to someone else, living *through* another, rather than practicing feeling ones own impulses
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
19/ We HAVE what we need.Women are already leading. Best for it to be like LGBT coming out movement:person to personhttps://t.co/dS8rgcvsLh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
20/ Feel your feelings. If you need support check https://t.co/O8SROx0uQU , books by Van der Kolk and Peter Levine if you need science
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
21/ Learn to know what you feel and feel it. Women have been doing this work for decades. Lesbians lead. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
22/ It makes sense that what is leading in another way of living looks *different* that what has been prized in celeb culture @umair
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
23/ Think about it. This essay is being written by a lesbian on writing "streets" of twitter. Way less celeb culture valued than NYT oped
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
24/ Does that make it / me less valuable? (I've added a link in bio if you want to back my work https://t.co/FG5wA0buRQ) @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
25/ Think of what are antidotes to narcissism. I've worked years on tummeling (https://t.co/brOvi9mmUG | https://t.co/frRucJi2QQ). Also…
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
26/ As I said to many @techsolidarity rooms when I was tummeling/speaking/leading there: it's what's inalienable that'll undo the regime
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
27/ People who presume all is manipulation cannot see the existence or power of what cannot be gamed, hacked, bought, forced. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
27/ A huge chunk of the economy/culture is driven by numbing and dissociation. Workaholism fits right in there. GTD! Man up. Crush it.@umair https://t.co/Gtq6vzaZtp
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
28/ Think about what is inalienable, what can't be bought: love, sacrifice, humility, genuine relationships and expression, trust @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
29/ More that can't be bought: self-respect, self-acceptance, kind acts, witnessing, Even things you can pay for you cannot *make* ppl do
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
30/ The US would ended up with recreating (more explicitly) abusive Daddy as leader to re-negotiate @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
31/ Fave joke of mine: difference between the Dems and the GOP? "Daddy beat me" and "Daddy beat me for my own good." @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
32/ *Staying in connection* with someone caring calms the nervous system. Feeling the *original* wound is the key to a shift. @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
33/ As long as the left is caught up with intellectually attempting to dissect the right's expression while both avoid feeling: stand still
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
34/ All of the systems of oppression we have rely on separation and isolation "you're on your own." @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
35/ We're social animals. We love feeling together. Having an "allowed" enemy enables a toxic togetherness w projected rage @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
36/ You can't make anyone feel anything either. It's something you have to choose to do. Addicts get sober do because they choose @umairh
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
37/ For more like this please back my writing https://t.co/FG5wA0buRQ . My newsletter is https://t.co/xb0pze1TZN .
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017
38/ More TK on US trauma For now I'll leave you with a relevant short talk I gave in the early days of twitter. https://t.co/CNel3yLdKY
— Heather Gold (@heathr) February 21, 2017