The first subvert news quiz

Those poor American kids: What could have been safer than a one-room Amish schoolhouse? An internship with a Congressman?

As the news swirled around in my head, I noticed some leitmotifs within the world of tragedy. Have you?

  1. (a) Who said this? (b) About whom?
    1. He is a father, teacher, coach; he cares about the children of this country.
    2. He was an exceptional father. He took the kids to soccer practice and games, played ball in the backyard and took our seven-year-old daughter shopping.
  2. Who said this to their intern/employee?
    1. Did any girl give you a hand job this weekend?
    2. Well if I took you down there then I’d want to shower with you right away
    3. That’s a good number, in the shower
    4. a cute little blond button thing
    5. brb…my mom is yelling
    6. Well, six or seven times, and you were telling me then that you maybe made love once a year. I was feeling sorry for you and thinking I was doing my Christian duty by making love to you.
  3. Manufacturing narcissism? Guess who?
    1. He grew up Catholic and his father was a Marine.
    2. He grew up deeply Christian and his father was a police office.
    3. He became very Christian and his father ran the CIA.
    4. His dad was the local police chief and “led a very regular life.”

If you need a hint, take your pick from our friendly cast of characters: Congressman Mark Foley, President Bush, Charles C. Young, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, Michael Douglas, House Majority Leader John Bohener, Marie Roberts, wife of Pennsylvania milk delivery man Charles, Bill O’Reilly, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor Jim McGreevey, Senator Bob Packwood.


Show answers.