Calgon, Arnold take me away!

Is it really that surprising that Arnold won the California recall election?

It’s just the lastest stage in an ongoing trend. It started with Reagan and then the Bushes and now Arnold. Each Republican figurehead seems to only need to be able to speak fewer and fewer words as they go along. This one can only say three words in a row. Truth is, Arnold doesn’t have to say much. It’s all about his image.

The recall election has proven that clear policy positions and debates and full sentences aren’t really necessary to hold a leadership position. We’ve already given up on people following through. Better to say less and mean it, than talk, talk, talk or whine, whine, whine.

Arnold means: ‘I am big, masculine, tough, self-made immigrant. Uh.’

He’s butch in a way people are nostalgic for. That’s the secret of Republican success. We want an authority figure who’s gonna get things done, kick ass, take no prisoners. Something that happens with hard, forceful consonants, or in three syllables.

People are longing for a time when one person’s toughness can just make it all go away.

‘I vill be daddy of California. I vill be tough and make the bad people and your budget nightmare go avay.’

That’s all he has to say. Sexual harassment? Isn’t that part of any A list action movie star’s compensation package? Sexual appetite only adds to daddy cred. Nazi father? It only makes him tougher.

But here’s the catch. We have to reap what we sew. And if we think that the new lowest common denomoinator in politics is Arnold Schwarzenneger, we are sadly mistaken.

It’s going to get much much lower.

A monster truck will be the next governer of California.

Who needs a person? They’ll just disappoint us. They’ll get corrupt, they’ll have affairs, they’ll lose their hair and muscle tone.

Arianna tried to paint Arnold’s Hummer as a giant liability. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

A car named for a blow job? Arnold should watch out. I’d say that’s California’s governer in 2006.

‘ heather gold, Oct. 2003